Isolation
by kimkaboom
Summary: First Homestuck fanfic and oh god it's just sad. So sad. DirkJake sadstuck, update sadness. Enjoy, and by enjoy I mean cry.


**golgothasTerror [GT]**** began pestering ****timaeusTestified [TT]**

**GT: Hey.**

The short message was all Jake could type as his fingers hovered over the touch screen. He figured it had been awhile now and that he should say something, even if it just was a simple greeting. He'd been fretting over the whole confrontation- playing multiple scenarios in his head for days now. This is what he wanted- time and space to think for himself, to think about how he really felt and what he really wanted. After technically dying and fighting off enemies for about six months, it was taking a huge toll on him. At first, it was the thrill of the new adventure that fueled his enthusiasm and will to fight on. It was what he wished for his whole life. That, and for the first time in such a long time, he was with not only other people, but his best friends, after meeting them for the first time in his life. Yes, it was all at once and maybe in the beginning his was too pumped with adrenaline to really dawn on this fact, but now that glamor had worn off and now he needed to say what's been on his mind. It wouldn't be easy, but it needed to be done.

And just like that, the reply came in.

**TT: Well look who emerged from their slumber.**

**TT: Not complainin', just glad to hear from you.**

**TT: Everything good?**

From the receiving end, Dirk Strider's heart nearly leapt from his chest. He knew that he had been forward with Jake with everything: from having his autoresponding glasses to command Jake to makeout with his decapitated head to fighting Bad Guys left and right. He knew all of that, but he kept going anyway. He had been alone his entire life and for the first time, he was with someone he really admired: his best friend(?) Of course, he resisted restraint because that was a concept he hadn't acknowledged just yet. Still, he did his best to give Jake his much needed space (he assumed) and hoped that they could finally get back to what they're best at, together.

**GT: ****Yeah sorry its been awhile. I just needed to think is all.**

**TT: ****Nope, I totally get it, no worries.**

**TT: So, ready to go adventurin' with your bro?**

**TT: Fucking shit up and all.**

**TT: I mean hey, I could easily tackle this shit.**

**TT: Well, not easily, I guess.**

**TT: Always helps to have your best bro, you know?**

He knew this would be hard. He knew that this meant hurting Dirk and he didn't know what the consequences of that would be. Would he just forget about him entirely? Would he pretend that they were never friends, all that time just- gone? Jake sucked in a sharp breath and closed his eyes, mentally rehearsing the script one last time.

"Dirk, there's something that I've been meaning to tell you. For my whole life (and yours), I've lived in total isolation. How I did it I'm not sure, but I'm grateful for everything that's happened. Without it, I would've never been friends with Jane and Roxy and you. It's brought us all together, in this fucked-up, apocalyptic way. But now, I feel that we should really split ways for the time being, and rejoin again after the fact. I think this will help us, you know, grow and stuff. We've constantly been around each other to the point where we're not even ourselves? Or at least, that's what I feel like. I want to act on my own beliefs not influenced by others. Oh geez, I mean, I think it's best that we stay bros, from a distance. You have things that you need to do, as do I. Please, try to understand where I'm coming from."

**GT: ****Yeah i know.**

**GT: Can i be honest with you?**

**TT: Hold up, I sense something's up.**

**TT: And by something, I mean-**

**TT: Just forget it. Sorry for interrupting.**

**TT: Continue.**

**GT: ****Hmm okay well as you know ive been myself my whole life basically.**

**GT: And just recently ive reunited with all you guys.**

**GT: Jane roxy and you.**

**GT: And at first it was really awesome and such.**

**GT: Us brought together by death and the apocalypse.**

**GT: Wow this looked so much better in my head god damn.**

**TT: You're doing fine. **

**TT: Go on.**

**GT: Okay well im just gonna say it.**

**GT: I dont think...**

**GT: Shit hold on.**

All Dirk could do was keep his eyes plastered on the screen, anxiously waiting for his friend to reply. He felt deep down that he knew what he was going to say, but begged him not to. He didn't know if he could take it- being alone again. All he could do was wait.

**GT: ****Sorry my sprite was buggin me again.**

**GT: Anyways basically what im trying to say is that we should part ways.**

**GT: For now.**

**GT: Im not gonna lie it was so much fun in the beginning.**

**GT: We were totally wreckin shit as you would state it.**

**GT: But i feel that it was all too much at once. And now i need to just do this on my own for awhile without being influenced by anyone.**

**GT: Dirk youre a great friend and i still want to be friends.**

**GT: But i need my space.**

**GT: Please understand.**

He said it. Although it wasn't as eloquent as he hoped, it was out there. Maybe it didn't need to be fancied up, it just needed to be said. Now he just waited for Dirk's reply.

**TT: ****Tell me something.**

**TT: How can a guy that's been alone his whole life be sick of people after only being with them for a few months?**

**GT: Im not sick of you! Or jane or roxy i just need my space is all.**

**TT: ****So 15 years isn't enough space for you then?**

He knew that he was sounding like such an asshole, but he couldn't help it. His fingers trembled as he angrily spat out his replies. This wasn't him. He needed to stop this before any permanent damaged resulted from it. But he couldn't. When you're finally with the person you love after such a long time, it's hard to face reality and let go. Dirk Strider was a stubborn mother fucker, and he wouldn't go down without a fight, even if it did result in him losing.

**GT: Dirk stop. Please.**

**GT: Youre making me seem like the bad guy when all you do is push push push!**

**GT: Jake do this do that do this with me.**

**GT: Have you ever thought about what i want? No because youre a selfish douche who does whatever he wants with no concern about how others feel.**

**GT: Everything youve ever done with me has been for youre own satisfaction.**

**GT: And im tired of it!**

**GT: Not everything will go your way. Not everyone will agree with you.**

**GT: You need to face the facts and move on.**

**GT: You might like suffocating other people but i sure as hell do not appreciate being suffocated with no regards to how i feel.**

Jake ceased typing and took a long breath. He looked over what he just said and felt taken aback at how angry he seems. He wasn't angry, he was just itching to let Dirk know that this is how he felt and that he needed to know that.

Dirk on the other hand felt completely lost. His whole vision of the game and spending time with Jake had been clouded with his own selfishness. He needed Jake, more so than Jake needed him, and he would be lying if he said that it wasn't hurting him. Unrequited love sucked ass. Hell, unrequited 'enjoying time with your best friend' sucked ass just as much. But, as much as it hurt him, he needed to respect Jake's wishes. If that's what he wanted, then he would make sure that he would get it. Because in the end, he just wants what he wants, even if that means letting him go.

**TT: ****Okay. I get it.**

**TT: I'm sorry.**

**TT: I guess I was just caught up with everything.**

**TT: It's hard, being on your own for so long and finally being with someone you really care about.**

**TT: But I guess we feel differently about this sort of thing.**

**TT: I don't blame you.**

**TT: I'm a fucking stubborn hard ass who always gets his way.**

**TT: And I guess it's juvenile to think that way.**

**TT: It's my Achilles heel or whatever.**

**TT: If you want to be left alone, by all means.**

**TT: Just stick through with it, alright?**

**TT: Not that I doubt you. I don't doubt you.**

**TT: I'm just making sure.**

**TT: Better get going. Got some stuff I need to finish.**

**timaeusTestified [TT] ****ceased pestering****golgothasTerror [GT]**

With that, Jake English took one last look at his phone background before deleting it.


End file.
